First, let’s look at the tweet that started all this:
— Clare Eliza (@clare_eliza) January 29, 2023 So, Clare there owns a BMW i4, and lives in the UK, seemingly on a steep hill. Clare captioned this with “sentences that would make your nan’s head explode,” and I think we can include most rational people who live in our current reality along with Clare’s nan there, because the idea that a computer can’t update its software because it’s on a hill makes no logical sense, at least based on most people’s experiences with computers and hills. Clearly, there’s something up here, which is why I asked BMW. Happily, they had an answer, from BMW’s product and technology spokesperson: Ohhhhhhh, I see. BMW is really just being prudent here, covering their ass, and, you know what? That’s probably a good idea. Software is complex, especially when it comes to what’s running in modern cars, and there are thousands and thousands of lines of code, and a bug anywhere in there could possibly have some very unforeseen consequences, which in an extreme case could potentially include something like, say, releasing the parking brake or disengaging the car from park or some other combination of causes that ends up with a shiny new electric car rolling down a hill and straight into a puppy farm or something.
The vehicle needs to be in an active remote software upgrade (RSU) campaign The download needs to be completed (fully automatically via vehicle SIM or via BMW Connected App, also fully automatically when correctly setup (see note below)) Sufficient battery charging level Vehicle not parked on an incline Transmission must be in Park Engine must be off
The vehicle has all sorts of sensors (pitch, yaw, lateral and longitudinal acceleration and deceleration, etc.) that allow it to understand its orientation, so it knows when it’s on an incline. It’s likely a catchall, every-worst-case-no-matter-how-unlikely scenario safety precaution to try to prevent any chance of the vehicle moving should the programming be interrupted or go wrong. So, it’s not some strange technical issue, it’s not that the antennae can only receive error-free data from some specific angles, it’s not that there are motion-sensitive hard drive platters, it’s just that BMW is playing it safe and making sure that some future bit of errant code won’t cause too much trouble. A bricked car sucks, of course, but a bricked car rolling down a hill into an intersection would suck so much more. Eliminating as many variables and points of failure makes sense. Even if it may mean that steep-living people like Clare there have to move their cars somewhere to be updated. Or, maybe jack up the low end? I wonder if that would work? I remember driving my old CJ and when I pushed the clutch in, the revs went nuts, Turns out the throttle cable was stuck and a roadside fix was made. If my throttle by wire Subaru did the same thing, I wouldn’t know what the hell to do. ? Six? years some guy backing out of a parking space hit the left end of my rear bumper cover, giving me the classic Camry Dent®️. No big deal but since the car was new and his insurance was paying, I had the bumper cover replaced at a good body shop. When I picked up the car and went to drive away, neither the AC nor the audio system worked… wow. Talked to the shop owner and he said, “Guys must have left a connection loose but there’s nobody here to fox it today so take it to BMW – bring me the bill.” I did, and I took him the bill: $1100 to reconnect whatever under the rear bumper cover kept the AC and Audio system from working. Yeah…
