Somehow, I think Land Rover did it wrong. I’ve never seen a more cluttered, busy, and downright chaotic dock seen in a car brochure than this one, with its riot of rigging in the back there, the green-hulled HMS Eminent glowering back there impatiently, and even the wood texture of the dock asserting itself visually, all wrinkly and gnarled. It’s all kind of unsettling to look at. Who okayed this? Geez. I do like that stripe kit, though. This guy’s lucky he’s in a Land Rover, right? (I think the incoming ship is “Eminent’s” sister vessel, “Destruction”.) Now I’m hungry. There’s too much white in the background right behind it, so it doesn’t stand out as much as another color. For my money, blue with graded white/gray striping would have looked really good here. FUCKING HELL! THAT dude is dressed to the NINES out of a OSCAR MEYER WEINER CATALOG driving a mint Rover from the 60s as vehicle is perched on a deck of pylons somewhere in the British Kingdom. He is living out his OSCAR MEYER DREAMS of total happiness… MEANWHILE, I just spent a week tearing apart the front end of my 05 SQUARE BLUE HONDA… cause not only was I embarrassed by the metal on metal noises my car was making: When I finally did lift the front end up on jack stands… I found THE OPPOSITE OF SERENE! IT was FUCKING HELL! Brake pads — non existent. Brake CALIPERS and linings– shot (far past an inch of their life) Brake ROTORS… shot. Spent a good portion… of my week in absolute and total HELL. I meet my maker… THOSE DAMN BRAKE ROTOR SCREWS. — FUCK THEM SO HARD THEIR PARENTS BLEED! I drilled the SHIT out of them… then drove myself into depression worrying if I drilled them out too far. Then I couldn’t get the BRAKE CALIPERS OFF.. cause DEEZ NUTZ wouldn’t LET GO! After some act of GOD… did I get to the ROTORS… (with CALIPERS replaced and lines cautiously KINKED awaiting their fate). They wouldn’t come off. Bring in the 10lb SLEDGE.. and bang on it.. with damn near anything I had. Then I totally forgot who I was and what my name was — some say David TRACY, but I also noticed a suspiciously quantitus amount of…. that burnt crinkly shit. DONT FUCKING SAY IT. IT WILL HEAR YOU! I put it all back together: BRAKE rotors on, brake PADS and shims in, calipers in CORRECTLY. Then I forgot my name again.. and couldnt remember how to bleed my brakes. Thankfully.. I got my wife pregnant 7yrs ago.. and my 90T Trailer as I call him.. helped to bleed my brakes by understanding.. what HOLD, PUSH and LIFT meant. Also… do not touch another god damn thing. 1 WEEK… some say an eternity LATER… my brakes are done. THAT.. IS NOT SERENE. In case David is reading… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx6Zgz0TZuA
